I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
