dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she woke up with a sticky ear
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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