I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Every concussion has its silver lining
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
whose parrot is this?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
