6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
