He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
