I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
