I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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