no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
