is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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