i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
