just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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