he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize