it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
