I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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