You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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