i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize