I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize