I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
