she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
