guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
