There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
