allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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