My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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