My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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