Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
