i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
