nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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