So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is Oprah even human
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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