I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
