Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Drake has all the answers
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
