youre lurking in front of me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
