I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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