Kiss
Puke
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
