This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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