Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
