i came on her dog
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
