the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
