By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
