I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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