He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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