What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
