Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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