I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
