thus making me awesome and them whores
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
