Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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