You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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