well I can't set my house on fire every night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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