she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
