No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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