were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
