Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
