Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
