You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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