I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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