Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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