There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
