Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize