I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
