Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
