Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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