Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
