big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the condom got lost in my hair
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
