i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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