She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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