yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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