When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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