Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize