guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pants are for mortals
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
