And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
